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Terr91

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FAIRYTALE LOVE

7 min read
THIS IS WRITTEN BY CZIGANY BECK
cziganybeck.wordpress.com // cziganybeck.wordpress.com/2013…

(I felt the need to share this piece of writing, because it carries information that I think people should, if not already, learn. She is such a nice and inspiring, yet cold person and you won't regret reading her blog posts. Don't mind the small mistakes-----)

I’m probably the coldest person you’ll ever meet. Sometimes I feel like a vampire; you know the ones that can turn their emotions off. But, no, that doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about L O V E; though. The fairytale romance where your prince charming comes to save you from all the evil people, harm, and pain, and takes you to his gigantic castle where you will live happily ever after. That is what love should supposedly be like, right? Everything should be perfect, no fighting, no disagreeing, and we can’t forget, the ability to bring each other back to life with one, simple kiss. That’s what we all want. We are waiting, and waiting for that perfect one to come by. When we see that our relationship is nothing like that, we just stop trying, and lose hope, so we leave or let go. Hence, we keep waiting for the one, thinking that he/ she is still out there, captured by an evil witch and waiting for us to free them. Now, I hate to break it to you, but if you think that any of that is real, you need a reality check and I am here to give it you. Often, thing around us have an influence on us, and that causes us to have unrealistic expectations about love and relationships, and make us depreciate what we have; therefore most people end up divorced or single nowadays

We are influenced by the things and people around us such as: movies, songs, poems, fiction stories, friends, etc. tricked us into thinking a certain way. For example, when we think about love, we have this unrealistic fairytale love expectation and think it’s’ wonderful everlasting feeling that will only be true when we find the perfect one. We have unrealistic expectations that love is suppose be perfect and only causes happiness. But let me tell you, it doesn’t matter how long you wait for the perfect one to come by, you will not be satisfied because your expectations are unrealistic, and causes you to have the wrong impression about love.

I love fairytales, but people tend to forget that they are not real. One of the unrealistic expectations is that love is supposed to be easy and when you find the one it will be an everlasting feeling. When we’ve been in a relationship with same person for a long time, we tend to think that we don’t love them anymore, or that we are “falling out of love,” after a while. When we feel like we are not in love anymore, we give up and think that the person is not meant for us because feelings faded, and we expected to feel the same way we did in the beginning of the relationship.

I am currently reading a book called, Act with love, and in this book Russ Harris states that when you define love as a feeling it will not be everlasting because feelings don’t last long. He compares our emotions to clouds that continually shrink, grow, and reappear. I have to agree with him. Feelings change. In the beginning those love feelings are strong, but after a while, as we start getting used to each other and get to know each other better, they start to fade. That why it’s better to think of love as a decision or action rather than a feeling. We have no control over feelings, but we do have control over our actions. According to Russ Harris, the action of love is something you can do, regardless of how you are feeling. For example when your partner made you mad, you can still decide to act with love and give them a hug, and still love him.

We don’t only have unrealistic expectations about love and relationships, but we are also make unappreciative of what we have. The media and people around us support us to give up quickly when something in our relationship is not going the way we would like it, and they comfort us by saying that we deserve better. This causes us to be unappreciative of what we have. It makes us compare ourselves, and our partner to others. We compare our relationship to others and we want what they have. What we tend to forget is that the person who is now “not good enough” for you, was once the person we were crazy about and would do anything for. Don’t let things around you affect or influence your relationship.

When something goes wrong, or something happens that we don’t like we tend to give up so fast because we expect our love to be like movies, songs etc.  We all want that perfect partner that gives us what we want; one that doesn’t complain, get angry, and just always does the perfect things, but this is real life and we need to accept what we have. It is a waste when people get out of a relationship for no legit reason, but just because they think they’re not in love anymore. What they failed to realize is that this will happen with each and every person they are with. You know why? Because just like Russ Harris said, feelings are like clouds; they change and it is up to you to act with love, so your relationship can improve. Falling in love is easy but to stay in love is hard. You have to act with love to stay in love, it will not happen by itself. It’s not about finding the right person, but it’s about learning to love to person you found.

If you want a fairytale love as an example of how it should be, then watch Shrek. In this movie Shrek changed from being selfish and rude to a loving, caring and protective husband and father.  He gave up his privacy and freedom to be with Fiona, and Fiona gave up her riches and beauty to be with Shrek. They both fought through whatever battle and worked on themselves, so they could be together.

Just because your relationship is not like the movies or like others, does not mean that it has no value or worth. Matter of fact, it has more worth than any relationship in the movies because it is real. Also, if you believe people that tell you that their relationship is perfect, it is time you wake up. Russ Harris used a quote in his book; “there are two types of couples: those who have a wonderful relationship, and those whom you know really well.”  No relationship is perfect and I can guarantee you that, so start appreciating what you have and work on making it better.

We need to realize that love will never be easy. A relationship is a hard as it can get because there are two people with different opinions, different background, different ideas, etc. But throwing away years of work and trust for no reason will leave you hurt and with nothing, while you could’ve done something to improve your relationship. To get with someone else will take a lot more effort and there is also no guarantee that you will succeed, so work with what you have.

Start by working on yourself. Lower your expectations, and work on your values. What kind of partner do you want to be?  Do you want to be loving, caring, and supportive? Then keep those in mind and start living up to them. Every time you want to give up think about your values, and why you started this relationship in the first place. You need to fight in order to survive. I’m not saying let your partner walk over you and do whatever he/ she wants, but try to work it out and find a solution, instead of giving up.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” -Sam Keen

Furthermore, I want to recommend Act with love, by Russ Harris to everyone who is in a relationship, or wants a relationship. It’s a great book, and very helpful; go check it out.

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            Does doing justice, bring peace? To answer that question, we first need to be able to understand and comprehend justice. In history, I learned that the ancient civilizations, in order to keep peace, created and implemented a justice system. This system followed the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you want to be treated.” However, the Golden Rule did not keep the people refrain people from taking negative actions. Thus, the justice went by the simple rule of, “eye for an eye.” The ‘eye for an eye’ law basically implies that if one is to inflict harm upon another, that person or person’s family member is legally allowed to take revenge; however, limited to the same degree of the initial harm. This law supposedly brought justice.

             We are told to try forgiving or accepting, rather than fighting; refrain from war to keep peace. Yet, we feel the need to do justice; avenge love or pain inflicted. Will there ever be peace this way? Love is the reason there is pain. When you lose someone precious, you feel anger, which turns to hate. Vengeance is the product of this hate. Continued vengeance will result into death, but in death, there is only more death. Eventually, this will bring out more pain, more hate, and more death. This ‘eye for an eye’ law, which we are basically obeying to this day even if differently, keeps us in a cycle. In this cursed world we live in, this cycle of hatred will not cease. It is a never-ending cycle. How can you confront this cycle to achieve peace?

             We, humans, are drawn to act in the name of revenge to gain justice. However, if there is justice in revenge, then that same justice will bring about only more revenge. This is the link that keeps the cycle going. You might read this and think that you are not the kind of person that needs revenge in a way of harm. That might be true, but you want the person punished. Can you honestly say you will never change? You will not form hatred, no matter how great the pain? Can you guarantee that? Most people think they are the only ones that matter. What goes for you goes for another just as well. If you kill someone, someone will kill you. So, the cycle continues.

             So, this brings us to the initial need for justice; pain. I think we should not have a need for justice if we could understand each other’s pain. If you don’t share someone’s pain, you can never understand him or her. Then again, just because you understand them, doesn’t mean you can come to agreement. However, if you can understand one another, there is a probability of not having to harm. Religion, resources, land, spite, love, food, ideology, or even opinion; no matter how pathetic the reason, it is enough to start a war. The result of war is mainly deaths. Death results in hate. Hate results in the need for justice. Sadly, this is where we come back to the cycle.

             Now, that we have a perspective of what justice is, we can fall back to the very first question. Does doing justice, bring peace? My answer is no. Most religions would agree with me if I say that forgiving or accepting, instead of waging war, can make room for peace. As Jesus Christ did, we should forgive each other for our sins. Justice comes from vengeance, but that vengeance only creates reason for more vengeance. I must say, unfortunately, that I do not believe we can achieve true peace anymore. We have gone too far in, to change our ways now. We cannot trust each other enough to guarantee that pain won’t bring us back onto the cycle. Maybe, one day, we will be able to rid ourselves of hatred, but I’m quite sure it won’t be soon. Let’s hope that day will come, even if millions of years in the future.

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TO HIDE OR NOT

3 min read

            Lately, I have been searching the World Wide Web for conspiracy theories after having discussed some over with a certain set of special people. I have watched and read multitudes of videos and articles concerning such information, but yet somehow, the researchers and theorists seem to look way too far for answers. They go beyond logic and meet high complexities. The targeted conspirators probably carry no care towards their claims and can easily pass them off as total nonsense. Why would the conspirators spend any time in making it complicated? It doesn’t seem right to me.

             As I kept looking, useful information came to me on my topics from otherwise casual sources, rather than the paradoxically, hardly credible and complex theories. This put me to ponder. Foreground information, which is available to everyone, might contains what you’re looking for, yet you will not look there, since you will look for that which is hidden. If you have ever played hide and seek, you know that if you hide, someone will search. Let’s take this logic and assume the conspirators carry this same knowledge. Since one is bound to seek once the other hides, is hiding at all the best way to conceal yourself? Will anyone attempt to find you if you are supposedly not hiding?

             Not too long ago, I held a discussion with a friend, who I was discussing this with, and he kept antagonizing my standpoint. He kept falling back to claiming, “they must be hiding” and “we don’t know who they are”.  This gloriously supports my point. We do probably know ‘these people’ and that is why we do not suspect them of such activities, since they genially do not seem to be hiding. This way, the crowd will not try to look for them. Take for example a woman that carries a sexually transmitted disease or infection; by acting as if nothing is wrong, no one will assume something is. She can move incessantly. Once it seems like she is prevaricating such a fact, the people around her will take notice and attempt to uncover the truth. Until the information is revealed, the public is more likely suspect a person that is known to be highly, sexually active.

            Now, I proceed to conclude; what is the best way to hide and where is the best place? I believe the best way to hide is to seem like you are not. This way, one will not know to look for you. This way, you will not arouse suspicion. The best place to hide is in the simplicity of plain sight. You cannot find that which is not lost or hidden. That is what I believe.

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FAIRYTALE LOVE by Terr91, journal

JUSTICE AND ITS RESULT by Terr91, journal

TO HIDE OR NOT by Terr91, journal